Love Language is an individual’s preferred way of expressing and receiving love and every one communicates it differently. Simply, it is how you want to be loved. Love languages are unique, and fulfilling when the partners involved fully understand them.

There are five main love languages according to Gary Chapman, Ph.D . And they are, Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality time, and Physical touch. This concept was developed from Chapman’s experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.

In relationships, understanding how our partner expresses love is vital for the purpose of knowing when our partner is showing us, love. Conversely, it’s just as important to understand what helps our partners feel loved so that we can demonstrate our love for them in ways they can receive.

Whilst people utilize love languages to better their partner, spice their relationships, etc, let us look at how you can use them to love yourself more, and better take care of yourself as an individual.

1. Quality time; In relationships, quality time here would mean spending enough time with your partner. A time where you both would do the things you love together, hang out and listen to each other’s concerns uninterruptedly. To use this love language to love yourself more, do something you enjoy doing alone. Take yourself away from the crowd and spend time with yourself. Read that book, attend that concert alone. It is okay to be alone so travel alone, or enjoy your hobbies in your own space. It is therapeutic. You need to take some time off your busy schedule and be with yourself. Choose to sleep if that will make you happy, because that is the goal; to be happy.

2. Acts of Service. Allow someone to do the things you would normally do for yourself. Don’t object when someone attempts to get the groceries from the market for you. Give yourself up to be served and pampered. Let others do the work for you. This is about self-care so get people to do things you normally would do for you. For instance, if you do the laundry all the time, sometimes take some time off and delegate someone to wash your clothes for you. And when you are too tired to cook, it is okay to order in.

3. Gifts; It is okay to spoil yourself a times. Usually, the idea of buying a new perfume, shoe, home decor, and the accessories we crave, etc, for ourselves sound like unnecessary and an unwise financial move. But take care of yourself too. If you can buy it for others without thinking twice about it, you should learn do it for yourself too. Buy that thing you have always wanted even if it is expensive. You’ve worked really hard. Reward yourself with a gift.

4. Physical Touch; Pamper your body. You deserve it. Going to the spa for a satisfying massage won’t hurt. It makes you appreciate yourself more. Feel your neck, squeeze your cheeks, and cuddle yourself under the sheets. After a long day at work, give yourself that big hug of affection to remind yourself that you are strong and capable of achieving greater things.

5. Words of Affirmation: Words of affirmation is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. Compliment yourself. Be kind to your heart, mind and body. Remind yourself how beautiful and amazing you are. Encourage yourself with your words. Look into the mirror and speak these positive words into your life. Uplift yourself by pointing out what you are doing well in life. It is a great way to notice and appreciate yourself more.

Self-care is not being selfish. You need to take care of yourself first before you take care of someone else.